I must admit, the past few months have been quite interesting.
What skateboarding once was to me when I began at age 12 began to diminish. The feelings of happiness and overall joy that it gave me at one point – it began to give less so as the days went by. It’s a bit hard to explain, but I will continue to attempt to do so.
Unbeknownst to me, I began skateboarding because it was the form of escapism that I found most pleasant, it was my paradise away from everything – I believe we all have that one thing; all I recall at such a young age was that it made me joyful like no other activity ever did. I began to do it every single day. Homework? Pshhh.. I have to go skate. And it’s mass knowledge that when you do something over and over, it turns into a habit – with the possibility of becoming a habit that is out of your control-, which is great, because you get better at this activity and you’re also having loads of fun while doing it. It’s a win-win situation, why would you trade that for anything else? Answer: you wouldn’t. But it becomes a problem when it is still a habit and you still do it virtually every day, you’re just as good as you’ve always been; but except now there is one thing missing: fun.
When there is no fun in whatever it is you are doing, then it begins to feel extremely pointless. And it becomes a bit paradoxical: this thing that I love (beginning to feel like this thing that I once loved) isn’t giving me the feeling that drew me to it to begin with, and the more I continue to do it, the more my love for it is dwindling. And you would think that with this knowledge that I would just stop skateboarding, but it’s become such a habit that I can’t even get myself to stop even though I’ve just admitted to myself that I am no longer enjoying it.
It’s all very strange, complicated, and – admittedly – stupid.
It took a sprained ankle to make me realize how ridiculous I was being. It goes like this: at the end of January, I found myself having one of those days that was becoming a rarity, I was actually having a good time! And have you ever heard of Murphy’s Law? Well, yeah, that was in full display this very day. About an hour and a half into the session, I roll my ankle. Pretty bad in fact, as it happened January 31st and I still can’t skate. This is what it took to make me appreciate skateboarding again; being physically unable to do it. Life works in mysterious ways,
and it seems that sometimes you must undergo bodily pain as a means for revelation.